Susan Zaslavsky

The Toof Fairy is Coming !

2008-01-09T12:23:00.001-05:00

Last night Aniella approached me with the claim that her bottom middle tooth was wiggling back and forth. I looked inside and sure enough, it was barely hanging by a thread. I was about to begin the inquest to determine how she knocked it loose when I suddenly spied a permanent tooth right behind it. And what did I do? I cried right in her face. Way to go!

Friends, my first born has said goodbye to being a baby and is now entering her legitimate childhood. She'll be 5 at the end of this month.

I'm kinda freaked out.

A Notable Stephanie Klein Post

2008-01-08T19:19:00.000-05:00

Came across this and thought I'd share. The 2nd graph is a little weird, but whatever. I get the gist of what she's trying to say and I like it:

---------------------------------------

The past seems easier sometimes, and I think holding onto it allows me, somehow, to move forward. I always hear how you have to let the past go, have to live in the moment, control your now. I think I'm able to move forward because I hold onto the past. Knowing there are people to go back to, friends there for you in another city, options, makes you less afraid to try new ones. New cities, new friends, new things. Because the past, what you knew, what you had, is always there. You already know what it's like. Holding onto the past can sometimes be freeing. It's my security blanket, for sure.

I haven't shared this yet, but I've been secretly turning our guest bedroom into a recreation of my apartment bedroom from New York. When I feel sad or in need of encouragement and strength, I climb into that bed, with that same bedding, my same soft sheets, from a frivolous time in my life, when I wasn't married and didn't have to answer to or compromise with anyone. So I could spend $220 on ONE PILLOW CASE--actually it was a Euro Sham, but still! Because there wasn't anyone telling me not to. It was my money, to spend as I pleased. But now there are joint priorities. Now when I'm in a store, I've become the kind of woman who says, "my husband would kill me." Because all he hears are all the things I want. A pool. A nanny. A music class for the kids. A new camera. But in that room, I can close my eyes and pretend for a moment that I'm just home from a birthday party, that I've just ordered in sushi, that Linus is still at the groomer or something. I can pretend it's just me again. And I need that, to be able to remember who I was before I became a wife and mother. Because I love that girl.

http://stephanieklein.blogs.com/greek_tragedy/2008/01/ding-dong-the-w.html

To: Gina & Kristi

2007-12-20T21:04:00.000-05:00

I came on here to write something serious and became totally sidetracked by this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3hdytcAUjI

Oh. My. God.

Gainesville, Florida circa...I'm thinking 18 years ago. Gasp!

The "head on the door" part totally reminds me of the serial killer that was roaming around campus at the time.

Anyway, enjoy the clip. In my ripe old age, it sort of makes me dizzy.

While I was poking around I also found this one. I must say, a well-directed/well-edited music video from that time period is VERY difficult to find. Here is one of the very few:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTNpaaPHENE&feature=related

Love the camera work on the "drip gently into mental illness" line.

ps to Kristi: I've been going to PT. I'm 4 sessions deep, 5 tomorrow. You PT's are the worst human beings EVER. What do you think of low level laser therapy while we're at it?

The Suspension Continues

2007-12-07T17:27:00.001-05:00

I'm in waiting mode again in regards to him. Waiting for answers, waiting for money, waiting to see what the immediate future holds, hoping that the the distant future will be much better, but no longer trying to kid myself.

No bones about it, the blame rests on alcohol and some psychiatric ailment. Everyone (including him) guesses bi-polar disorder, yet when he thinks about getting help he ultimately chickens out. So, we may never know.

What we do know is that he drinks. A lot.

When he's not drinking and he's not in a psych funk he somewhat resembles the guy I married (far from perfect, very rough around the edges, but with great potential). It never lasts long though -- maybe a split second. It's like catching a glimpse of the old him through the window of a passing train, and when that happens it feels like someone in my life has died all over again. It's easy to hate the loser, but a glance of the old him conjures up something remotely similar to... sadness. Not for what I've lost, but for what *he's* lost, and for what my girls never had.

He hasn't held a real job in about 1.5 years now. He works odd jobs here and there, but ultimately decides to drink too much, miss work and get fired.

I have gotten him multiple gigs, all of which he's blown. And unfortunately, a couple were with friends, so I look a moron.

I can't refer him anymore. Not for work, not to my children, not to myself.
It's come down to the nitty gritty now. He may be the only person in my 40 year history to be truly excommunicated. I don't call him an "ex" for nothing.

Aunt Dorothy the Nun, 1920 - 2007

2007-12-06T20:33:00.000-05:00

Writing a religious send-off is a bit of a departure for me, but here goes:

On February 27, 1920, our dear Aunt Dorothy was lovingly welcomed by her parents, Marie and Thomas Maher, and within 2 weeks was baptized in St. Malachy's church in what is known as East New York, a section of Brooklyn. Six years later, Aunt Dorothy attended the parish elementary school and continued her education in Bishop McDonnell High School, fondly known in the religious community as "the novitiate on the parkway" since so many vocations to religious life rose among their student body.

Aunt Dorothy entered the Congregation of the Sisters of St. Joseph on September 8, 1941 and found the missing link in her young adult life through the practice of prayer and meditation.

Aunt Dorothy could be described as a "straight shooter," where a "spade was a spade" and a "rose by any other name smelled just as sweet." In her life, God came first, and her philosophy could be expressed in the words of the prophet Zephaniah:

"Fear not, be not discouraged, the Lord our God is in our midst."

Aunt Dorothy was a school teacher who obtained her masters degree from Queens College, and brought to students in Brooklyn, Long Island and Rockville Centre a spirit vibrant with Christ-like love.

Having served the Lord for 53 years, Aunt Dorothy faced her inevitable winter of life. During her first 2 years at the Maria Regina Residence she continued to find ways of spreading her joy to those around her. The day came, however, when she prayed:

"I do not wrestle any more. I only wait for you, my Lord, to bring my dry bones into dancing once again!"

Yet, she willingly accepted that such a request would not be granted in this world.

Aunt Dorothy completed her cycle of life on November 28. We thank her for blessing us with the time she spent with us. Through the years she helped us to appreciate the joy to be found in each day, to recognize that we don't have to meet life challenges alone, to find the song in every voice around us, and to "write our trials in the sand and carve our blessings in stone."

Aunt Dorothy, you will always live in our hearts. Thank you for the many years of amazing memories, both from our childhood and as adults. It won't be the same knowing that you're not here with us anymore. I will especially think of you every Thanksgiving as I prepare to eat our coveted turkey neck. You'll be happy to know that Aniella and Ina seem to want to continue the tradition.

If there is indeed a Heaven, please give mommy a big hug and a kiss and tell her that we love her. Ditto for grandma and grandpa and daddy and everyone else we've loved who has moved on.

Love,
Susan and Richard, your loving niece and nephew

Birthday Greetings in My Mail

2007-12-04T13:10:00.001-05:00

Thanks, ya'll. I loved the walk down Memory Lane. :0)

From Julie in Florida:

What I remember most of us is our band. I found a “publicity shot” of us at The Wall in Gainesville recently. You don’t look any different, damn you. If my scanner was working, I’d attach it. We called ourselves “The Backseat Nothings" and I remember at the time thinking it was a bit of a silly name, but I like it now. We never played out anywhere, but we would have practice at Phil’s house or Doug’s, remember? I recall going to the studio and recording that song. What was the name of that song you wrote? I can’t believe I actually played guitar on a studio recording. We were so young. I think you were just 19 and I was 21. That’s a long, long time ago, my friend. Now we both have kids and the world is a much smaller place. Remember that guy Steve? I wonder where he is. He was in some frat and we used to tease him about that… Then there was this guy… Chad maybe? I don’t remember what he played. Likely another guitar. Then we had a sometimes drummer who seemed old who was probably 29, and of course there was Doug. Then it was all over when the two of you moved to NY. The rest is history….

Loved seeing you TG weekend… Your kids are gorgeous…. Even if they do need a spanking or two (just kidding). Love, Julie

From Kristi in North Carolina (old college roommate):

My fun memory of you (there are so many that it is hard to choose just one) is
New Years Eve in Gainesville, Florida. We were YOUNG. Remember when we waited until the last minute to make plans with our significant others and we decided to ring in the new year at a laid back place with good appetizers?

Well, that place was closed and we ended up at that other spot. I can't remember the name of either place now, but I remember the night itself quite well. We kept getting approached by lovely ladies in pagent-style gowns asking us if we were going to stay "for the show." I remember thinking something seemed strange and that they were somewhat over-dressed for a college town on New Year's eve. You chimed in and said "nothing is strange -- you're just clueless." It turned out to be a drag show, with us having stumbled into a gay, bi-, etc bar. Stan seemed to be their approval rater and Doug got so drunk that he was making "dinosaur" noises in the bathroom and you sent Stan in to "rescue" him!! It was so much fun. I think that may be my most memorable New Year's Eve ever!

Happy Birthday, my dear!!! I really do miss you in my life. I hope this year is a better one for you and please let me know if there in anything I can do for you. I mean it sincerely--not just words or gesture. Love you, Kristi

From Dragan in Montreal (whom I met on the Serbian Cafe politics forum during the bombing of Belgrade):

I was actually waiting for Fidel's death to be confirmed before continuing our last conversation, which started with *your* announcement of his death a few months ago. Recently I realized that while he is kicking back eating a pork roast we may exchange few words, so here goes:

In the long run, we will all be dead and ultimately you will be right ;) In the short term you remain a pain in the Fidel’s ass. Best regards, Dragan Jankovic

From Lori (former sister-in-law and friend):

My favorite memory of ours is when you and I tried to make truffels for your brother one Valentine's Day. We were smashing chocolate on the floor with a hammer, and gave up at some point because we didn't have the patience to do everything properly. Fast forward to a bunch of us eating solid chocolate out of a bowl with forks, probably stoned. Happy Birthday. Love, Lori

From Miri in Berlin:

Liebe Susan,

It all started in a club called "Hafenbar" in Berlin, Germany. We were both overheated after experiencing "German Schlagermusik," so I helped you to pin up your wonderful blond hair in the absence of any hair tie. You were there with a guy I knew from medical school, and you sent me Valentines sweets when you were back in NY.

That started a thick friendship. Since that day we emailed and called each other a lot and several times we even managed to see each other.

Once we had a wild party fortnight in NY that I will never forget. One evening in particular we went to a bar in Manhattan and some guys blocked the way from our group of friends to the ladies restrooms. We talked with them for awhile and our escorts weren't happy about that at all. These guys doing the blocking told us they were "models" and we earned some big laughs telling this to our waiting friends when we later managed to get back to them. I'll never forget the next day when we entered the subway and every single advertisement in the whole train was filled with pictures of one of those guys that had blocked our way (Norbert- being the top male model of his year). I still sometimes see him on very big posters of big brands in shop windows or stuff.

Then we grew up, we grew families and during all that time I loved our talks so much.

9/11 and German angst brought scratches, but for heavens sake nothing irrepairable.

I love you more as a sister than as a friend and even if we don t talk much I'm still having conversations with you in my mind and forever!

I m so happy to have you and I wish you all the best for your birthday: C.O.N.G.R.A.T.U.L.A.T.I.O.N.S!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Mirjam

A Voice From the Past

2007-11-26T15:07:00.000-05:00

Hey Ed, are you still alive?

I heard your voice in my head today, and it brought back a flood of memories in an instant.

Before that horrible day (or I should say the cummulation of many, all revolving around that same darn issue), do you remember how over-the-top happy we were? And how we would spend hours and days together without leaving each other's sides for a second? And how when we finally did, I would inevitably have some sort of deep penetrating freak-out about us and not know why, until you would point out that I simply missed you and hated being separated? You would then hang up the phone and run as fast as you could to me, and prove that you were right every time through your presence.

Well, just a little while ago I was having one of those freak-out / panic sessions for the very first time since there was you, except now, of course, it's over someone new, and he doesn't yet know that this happens sometimes (albeit rarely and certainly and obviously not with everyone I date, for crying out loud, since he's only the 2nd man thus far who is capable of provoking such attacks). :0)

The good news is that thanks to you and our past, I paused for a minute and thought about things and it came to me all on my own without having to report my freak-out to him, because you had the good sense to teach me about myself (probably to save your own ass, but whatever). A medical degree can come in handy like that sometimes, I suppose.

Anyway, in the midst of this freak-out I recognized that I simply miss him. And that I haven't loved anyone this much since I loved you all those years ago. Actually, if you want to know the truth, I love him far more, probably because he hasn't committed any horrific crimes yet. :0)

Wherever you are, I hope that you are well and that you were able to find love again too, because it's hard to come by when it's this good. And if you have been lucky enough to find it, I hope you've learned that it's certainly worth nurturing and behaving for, no matter what those demons may try to convince you to do late at night when they corner you in your darkness.

Regards to your mom and brother. I really do help all is well with you, just as I always have.

Condolences to our Friends & Neighbors, the Hindy Family

2007-11-17T20:04:00.000-05:00

Today's New York Times:

Bicyclist Killed in Fall on Bridge

A bicyclist riding on the Manhattan Bridge late Friday died after taking a wrong turn and flipping over a retaining wall on the bridge’s upper level, causing him to fall 15 feet to the lower level, where he was hit by a car.

The man, Sam Hindy, 27, of Eighth Street in Brooklyn, was riding shortly before midnight with a friend on the bridge when they decided to turn around.

Mr. Hindy’s father, Steve Hindy, said the police told him that the two riders had taken the wrong ramp and found themselves on the roadway with trucks and cars.

“Obviously, it was dangerous,” the elder Mr. Hindy said. “So, they pulled into the middle, into a construction area, away from the roadway.”

But the construction area ends suddenly, he said, and his son “hit a low concrete barrier, a retaining wall, and fell” 15 feet. He was then hit by a Brooklyn-bound 1995 Toyota, the police said.

Mr. Hindy, a computer engineer with Double Click, a digital marketing firm in Manhattan, suffered massive head trauma and was pronounced dead at New York Downtown Hospital at 12:30 a.m. yesterday.

Steve Hindy, 58, is a founder of Brooklyn Brewery. The rider’s mother is Ellen Foote, principal of Intermediate School 89 in Battery Park City.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/18/nyregion/18bike.html?_r=1&ex=1353042000&en=5ac05161c4e5ae62&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&oref=slogin

Back to the 3rd Grade, People

2007-11-13T14:00:00.000-05:00

Confirming what many farmers, boaters and regular citizens already knew, the government recently reported that the drought parching much of the West and Southeast spread into the Mid-Atlantic area this autumn.

I'm no rocket scientist, but where were these people in 3rd grade Earth Science class?

Doesn't anyone besides me remember those little colorful charts with trees, the clouds and rain drops on it? No? here you go:

Bottom line: fewer trees = less rain and less oxygen. Stop cutting down trees, damn you.

Empty Nest Syndrome

2007-11-12T12:13:00.000-05:00

I am bothered by the lack of noise in my home today after several days of nonstop action.

Do I need a shrink? Shouldn't I be enjoying this?

I definitely grown accustomed to thriving in a chaotic environment, but lately I've been craving a return to serenity and order in my life. Of course every time I experience anything close to that while I'm alone my shark-like personality emerges, probably as a defense mechanism.

By shark-like personality I mean I start feeling like I might die if I stop swimming.*** :0)

***Some sharks can get enough oxygen by pumping water through their mouth while lying still. Not *all* sharks must continually swim to survive. Just thought I'd mention that in the spirit of accuracy. :0)

Yum... Ice Cream Cake

2007-11-07T12:34:00.000-05:00

Here is Ina polishing off a slice of Morgan's birthday cake. Happy 8th, little man!

Turning 8 sounds good. Much better than what I'll be turning soon. :0)

Neuroblastoma

2007-11-06T19:03:00.000-05:00

My hero is being seriously tested beyond belief this week. If you can, please send a card, or at the very least some positive thoughts.

Sunday, November 4, 2007
Endurance.

Today is the NYC Marathon. Three of Toby’s docs will be running and we plan to cheer for them as they approach mile 7 in Park Slope. Toby stayed up late yesterday, painting hand-lettered signs with each of their names.

I’m a huge marathon fan despite a complete lack of athleticism. I don’t quite understand the willingness to endure such physical punishment, but I love the enormity of the event. I am completely in awe of the strength and stamina required to run 26 miles. And I’m inspired and amazed by the runners.

Toby has been running the marathon each day, for more than 6 months. In that amount of time, he has had more chemo than most adult cancer patients (waaaaayyy more than Lance Armstrong), he has undergone 2 life-threatening surgeries, 14 rounds of radiation, countless transfusions, daily painful injections, monthly radioactive scans, disgusting medicines, and a complete upheaval of his life. He does not go to school. He has hearing loss. He grinds his teeth during sleep. He tires easily. And every day is a battle.

By his 4th birthday Toby had learned how to swallow pills, how to lay perfectly still for 90 minute full-body scans, how to restrain the urge to vomit until mom or dad locates the basin, how to don a mask and gloves during neutropenia, how to best position his leg when receiving the burning injections of “G,” how to walk on his toes when his heels are numb from the neuropathic effects of chemo, how to request that the anesthesiologist inject propyphol slowly before a procedure, how to still find joy and laughter and beauty even when restrained to an IV pole, with constant nausea, diarrhea and vomiting.

Toby runs the marathon with a remarkable group of children who suffer for months and years at a time. They are the faces behind the statistics and their stories tear my heart out again and again. Many of them have died, leaving behind aching families and pain that will never go away. I wish that Congress or Oprah or the drug companies would find these kids inspiring. It is simply unbelievable that only 5% of the total National Cancer Institute budget is allocated for pediatric cancer research and development. And to put it in even greater perspective, ALL of cancer research funding is equivalent to what is spent in Iraq in just a few days. Children are dying, and the world turns away.

Tomorrow the New York Times will devote pages and pages to the marathon. I usually love to read this kind of news, but I don’t think I’ll have a chance.

Tomorrow is the day we start 3f8 antibody therapy. It will be the most painful experience in Toby’s cancer marathon to date. The 3f8 rooms are where the screams come from, screams so prolonged and painful that it hard for an observer not to break into tears. The pain is so intense that no amount of pain medication can effectively block it. Toby will most likely be given heavy narcotics (3 times more powerful than morphine), but everyone has warned us to expect a very, very difficult day. And we will repeat 3f8s on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Toby will endure, as he has until now. Please keep him and all the other children battling cancer in your thoughts.

love, mooki and stephen
http://www.tobypannone.blogspot.com/

The Verdict on the Jellyfish

2007-11-02T16:58:00.000-04:00

Referring back to my post of October 30th, apparently both the Coelenterata and Cnidaria phylums are correct, although Coelenterata is considered to be outdated in some scientific circles.

Outdated? I am definitely growing old.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T21:09:00.000-04:00

Alice in Wonderland

Fairytale Princess

Who is Correct Here? Live Science, Me or None of the Above?

2007-10-30T20:44:00.000-04:00

I was a hardcore marine biology buff in high school, and I could swear that jellyfish are Coelenterates, which would mean they belong to the Coelenterata phylum.

Where did they get Cnidaria from? *scratches head*

Oldest Known Jellyfish Fossils Found

Andrea Thompson
LiveScience Staff Writer
LiveScience.com
October 30, 2007

The oldest known fossils of jellyfish have been found in rocks in Utah that are more than 500 million years old, a new study reports.

The fossils are an unusual discovery because soft-bodied creatures, such as jellyfish, rarely survive in the fossil record, unlike animals with hard shells or bones.

"The fossil record is biased against soft-bodied life forms such as jellyfish, because they leave little behind when they die," said study member Bruce Lieberman of the University of Kansas.

These jellyfish left their lasting imprint because they were deposited in fine sediment, rather than coarse sand. The film that the jellyfish left behind shows a clear picture, or "fossil snapshot," of the animals.

"You can see a distinct bell-shape, tentacles, muscle scars and possibly even the gonads," said study team member Paulyn Cartwright, also of KU.

The rich detail of the fossils allowed the team to compare the cnidarian (the phylum to which jellyfish, coral and sea anemones belong) fossils to modern jellyfish. The comparison confirmed that the fossils were, in fact, jellyfish and pushed the earliest known occurrence of definitive jellyfish back from 300 million to 505 million years ago.

The fossils also offer insights into the rapid species diversification that occurred during the Cambrian radiation, which began around 540 million years ago and when most animal groups start to show up in the fossil record, Lieberman said.

The complexity of these early jellyfish seems to suggest that either the complexity of modern jellyfish developed rapidly about 500 million years ago, or that jellyfish are even older and developed long before that time

Weak

2007-10-29T20:46:00.000-04:00

Research has shown that fathers who cannot financially support their families are not only leaving, but those remaining in the home often do not direct their energies into other areas of parenting, such as helping their children with homework or attending football games or other activities. "I think there is a causal effect," said Brown sociologist Frances Goldscheider, that if you can't be truly defined in this society as a good father, i.e. someone who pays the bills, it is hard to even think about the next tier of priorities."

Cry me a river, Fran. Here is my own analysis:

These types of "fathers" are devoid of morals or conscience. End of story.

Come to think of it, wasn't it Lenin who said: "The best revolutionary is a youth devoid of morals?" Figures. Just figures.

One of My Favorite Humans: Terrie M. Williams

2007-10-26T20:04:00.001-04:00

I first met this remarkable woman when I was all of 21 years of age. She was sitting behind a large, intimidating desk dressed in a track suit, fresh off of the red eye flight from Los Angeles. I was fresh meat (fresh WHITE meat -- which is relevant -- stick with me) trying to land a job in the field of entertainment publicity.

I had gone on a couple of interviews that week (one at ROLLING STONE, I recall, and one at SPIN, coincidentally). What I figured out almost immediately was that Terrie was no bullshitter. She hit straight to the point in no time. "Why would a white girl want to work in an all-Black company?" I was completely caught off guard, as I had only walked through the doors 3 minutes before and was just absorbing the environment. Yes, the staff was 100% Black, and so were the artists they represented (Eddie Murphy in his heyday, Miles Davis, Chris Rock and Sean Combs/Puff Daddy/P. Diddy when they were just babies -- you name a top Black celebrity -- they were once clients).

I took a deep breath and launched into some diatribe on how I grew up listening to rock and roll music and was frustrated because many people seemed to have forgotten that rock and roll had it roots in blues, blah, blah, blah. I rattled off a few names like Robert Johnson and hoped for the best.

She ended up hiring me on the spot to do temporary work. A six week assignment. I ended up staying for close to 6 years. During that time I went from a temp position to Director of Film Publicity, working on major special market campaigns for companies same Samuel Goldwyn, Miramax, Universal and New Line. If it was a Black film, I did the publicity.

Finally Terrie told me it was time to spread my wings and fly. She slowly began cutting the umbilical cord, but not before I became the youngest member of the Publicists Guild of America (at the time) and was nominated by my peers for my publicity work on Stephen King's "The Stand."

During my years with Terrie I saw many people come and go. I learned a hell of a lot about race relations. I learned a hell of a lot about FAMILY.

Here we are 19 years later: still close, still scheming, still blood. Terrie didn't just mentor me. She mentored the FUCK out of me. :0) And that didn't go over to well in certain circles at times, but eventually respect was given because respect was due. I worked my ass off in those days.

Congratulations to Terrie on her soon-to-be 4th book due out January 8.

Other titles include:

"The Personal Touch: What You Really Need to Succeed in Today's Fast-Paced Business World"

"A Plentiful Harvest: Creating Balance and Harmony Through the Seven Living Virtues"

One of Terrie's favorite phrases is: "There Are No Other People's Children." The children — our children — are our future, Terrie believes. Who could argue with that?

Lyuda is 27 ! (zaftra -- Soobota)

2007-10-26T19:26:00.001-04:00

Kak Skazat "Happy Birthday?"

nalyevo = Aniella
pryamo = Lyuda
napravo = Ina

This Gets My Stamp of Approval

2007-10-25T16:50:00.000-04:00

New postage stamp available beginning today:

Like it or Not: The Holidays Are Coming

2007-10-23T16:49:00.000-04:00

Historically speaking, I'm a big holiday person. Baking, decorating, cooking, crafting, wrapping gifts just so...

This year is going to be vastly different though. Much different than my very first holiday away from my parent's house after I went off to school. Much different than my first holiday as a single mom on a scarey tight budget.

There will be no calling home for last-minute cooking / baking instructions. No phoning with reports on what Santa brought and how the girls responded. No last-minute rushing to the post office to mail gifts, and no reason to try to out-do last year's Christmas card photograph.

Familiar songs, sights and smells cherished so deeply already make me want to choke just thinking about them.

I worry that the only thing coming to my home this holiday season will be grief.

Of course that won't be the case. I'll pull it together for the sake of my children so that their own memories of childhood holidays will be magical. But damn, I'm getting tired of piecing things together out of absolutely nothing. I really don't know how I'm going to pull it all off without the finances, without the proper moral support, without my usual audience and cheering section.

I think I'm going to put on my blinders, focus only on love and love alone and see what I come up with. Excess is out. It died along with... everyone from holiday seasons gone by. I have all the family photos and there are only 2 of us remaining from the holiday gatherings. Now all that is left of the family we knew then and loved so much are fleeting moments captured in still frames and tucked away in our memories.

I'm down to 3 girls, 1 cat and a brother who lives 1280 miles away. It could be worse though. It could always be worse. I guess the fact that it's not is reason enough to celebrate.

On My Mind: Single Parenting

2007-10-22T21:23:00.000-04:00

I came across these statistics (meant to startle) earlier today:

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
85% of all children with behavior disorders are from fatherless homes
85% of all youths in prison are from fatherless homes
75% of American children in single-parent families will experience poverty
75% of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers are from fatherless homes
71% of all high school dropouts are from fatherless homes
71% of teenage pregnancies are to children of single parents.
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

I re-read the above 2 or 3 times and then giggled. I know it's an odd thing to laugh at, but... what do you expect?

My home is not a broken home. When I got a divorce, I fixed it !!!

Great quote! Not my own -- it was on some television show. It's certainly true though. Many single parents who divorced made the healthiest choice in creating a peaceful and stable home for their family, and I happen to be one of them.

I leave you with this. If you search under "single parent" in Wikipedia (gotta love Wikipedia), you'll find this photograph accompanying their text:

photo caption: A single low-income mother clutches her child protectively.

I'm not even kidding!

Hip Hop: America's Mirror

2007-10-18T21:02:00.000-04:00

My apologies to my good friend Stanley Crouch, an opinion writer whose work I like and respect and who I've argued with extensively on the subject of hip hop music. Sorry Stanley, but I have to stick with Marvin Mills on this one.

Incidently, one of my favorite Stanley Crouch quotes is below. Why doesn't he apply it to hip hop lyrics? Truth be told, I think I may have inspired that very quote with my increasingly famous single parent brain. :0)

In America, we have to learn to be patient enough to figure out what somebody is saying. Somebody might actually be saying something.

To the point:

Hip-hop: America's mirror
Marvin Mills

The transcendence of hip-hop from a street corner, Bronx party to global phenomenon has been a remarkable movement to observe. Back in the early '80s, a time that marked the first utterances of a culture that is now in popular demand, pioneer MC Afrika Bambaata was "looking for the perfect beat" in one of his early songs. Now it appears that in 2007-if the measuring tool is world popularity-hip-hop is coming close to finding what Bambaata searched for decades ago.

From fashion to music to vernacular, the cultural effects of this fairly young genre (big ups to jazz, rock and funk, as these are all giant shoulders that hip-hop stands on to this day) are amazing. Hip-hop, which gives the opportunity for creative interpretation of life, as well as being a speaker box for the bass of communal social conditions, is not limited to those who invent the music and commercialize the lifestyle. Hip-hop music, in retrospect, is but an extension of the world it talks about, and the listeners and artists collaborate to form it.

I am hip-hop. I always will be.

So, as an ingredient of this culture and music, I gladly endorse and serve as its support system as it answers questions for the public and media. Hip-hop was at the forefront of discussions at Congress' House Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection this past Sept. 25, regarding "media stereotypes and degradation of women," with the hearing entitled, "From Imus to Industry: The business of stereotypes and degrading images."

It seems America's anxiety is growing in its chase for weapons of mass destruction, and has now turned to hip-hop music in an effort to determine if there exists a problem with its content, fearing its implications for youth. The depictions of promiscuous women, alcohol and drug use and abuse, violence and the use of derogatory terms are the significant areas of the genre's content in which Congress placed its focus.

As other speakers on hip-hop have said before, there are indeed some issues with its music and videos that require addressing. The exploitation of women is clearly an area of concern. The lyrics of today's artists are arguably more focused on materialism and sex as opposed to the political, powerful and plush rhymes the world heard years ago from artists such as Tupac Shakur, Public Enemy, Common Sense (who's still aroundâ€¦and who rocked Sunken Gardens last year), Lauryn Hill and Wu-Tang Clan. Derogatory terms do flood an array of hip-hop music, contributing to the degradation of women. Essentially, the music needs work.

However, the irony of hip-hop music is that, at its best, it accurately describes the struggle and negativity that looms in the actual neighborhoods of its artists, which often affirms the state of the genre's content.

Rapper Levell "David" Banner, responsible for the hit single "Play" (2005), spoke from the heart in front of Congress when he said, "Hip-hop is sick because America is sick." Violence, drug abuse, exploitation of women, materialism: all elements that really exist on artists' streets. The goal of Congress and of us all should be to rectify the cause-the social conditions of communities around the U.S.-and not attempt to stagnate hip-hop's success, which is an inkling of hope that a significant amount of artists have in overcoming the social strains of strife prevalent in lower-class neighborhoods.

It seems that hip-hop does what America doesâ€¦but better. It has taken capitalism and exploitation to a whole new level. It has gradually learned how to thrive amidst its realities. It has learned how to thrive despite its realities.

There is definitely something wrong with hip-hop, with our country and with the direction in which we are heading. The question is, why are we calling hip-hop up first to take responsibility when it did not pave the way for this mindset? At its best, it is a phenomenal tool for the oppressed, the struggling and those without to create rhymes, beats, graffiti art and dance - all in expression of a hope for a better place and a better situation. This youth-driven art form brings light to its current social position. Hip-hop is the voice that the community uses to do its crying. Instead of trying to shut it up, America needs to determine why its child cries.

America must change the fuel that drives the content of hip-hop.

America must change.

Then hip-hop will.

This is the opinion of Marvin Mills, a senior business entreprenuership & finance major from Los Angeles, Calif. Please send comments to adwyer@theloyolan.com.

Adventures in Biking

2007-10-18T19:56:00.000-04:00

Sunday it is! This will be my last biking hurrah before reconstructive foot surgery. I learned a few days ago that in addition to the bunion and the arthritic joints my foot is also broken. In other words, if I've been riding 10 miles a day on a broken foot all this time, another 25 miles isn't going to kill me. :0)

Update: Awesome! Survived and can't wait until the next one. :0)

Introducing Anthony "Tino" Martin Garnier

2007-10-14T14:40:00.000-04:00

Brothers. Sent via cell phone from Martha's Vineyard.

Looks like a rock star. A real rock star. Just like his daddy.

The happy family will return to Brooklyn next week. In the meantime, congrats to Trish, Tony and Lucas on their new addition.

So it's Not Just My Kids Who Do This......

2007-10-14T09:19:00.000-04:00

Thank goodness.

And from Laura:

Women's Ass Size Study

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.

The results are pretty interesting:
1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.

Ramadan Has Ended

2007-10-13T22:34:00.000-04:00

Photo taken July 2007, Brighton Beach by SZ

But where is Mus?

Mus, are you out there? Send a sign. We miss you and want to see you. Like this weekend!

Finally.....Fall

2007-10-13T21:11:00.000-04:00

Look who can rock a pony tail now:

What a Douche! (if it's true)

2007-10-09T16:00:00.000-04:00

According to Nikki Finke, Warner Bros president of production Jeff Robinov has made a new decree that "We are no longer doing movies with women in the lead".

What inspired this neanderthal thinking? Well, it comes after both Jodie Foster's "The Brave One" (even though she's had somewhat recent hits with "Flightplan" and "Panic Room") and Nicole Kidman's "The Invasion" (as if three different directors didn't have anything to do with the outcome) under-performed at the box office.

The official policy of Warner Bros. as expressly articulated by Robinov is that a male has to be the lead of every pic made. I'm told he doesn't even want to see a script with a woman in the primary position (which now is apparently missionary style at WB).

How many movies with men in lead roles have failed, do you suppose? Truth is, the vast majority of movies suck regardless of the lead's gender.

I hope Gloria Allred castrates him and forces him to wear a dress (again, if it's true).

We all know that I'm all for women being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but not by force. Only if they're like me and they want to be there. :0)

Toby Pannone Fundraiser, Thursday 10/11

2007-10-08T10:21:00.000-04:00

Thursday, October 11th, 2007
6:30pm – 8:30pm

SOHO Building 110 Greene St (btw Prince & Spring St), Suite 9D, NYC

Suggested Donation:
$20 at the door
Art, Drinks, Music

The Art of Giving Fundraiser is dedicated to increase awareness about Neuroblastoma - one of the most deadly forms of pediatric cancer. All of the proceeds from the door and sales will go to "band of parents" campain at www.cncf-childcancer.org

This Fundraising Event to honor the strength and courage of four years old Toby Pannone and his family. Toby Pannone is a remarkable boy battling neuroblastoma, an aggressive form of pediatric cancer. He lives with his parents, Stephen Pannone and Mooki Saltzman, and his big brother Yoni in Windsor Terrace. Since his diagnosis in April, he has been through several surgeries and six rounds of chemotherapy. His treatment will continue for many, many months to come.
To get more information about Toby and be part of the community that is supporting him, visit his blog at: http://tobypannone.blogspot.com/

What is Neuroblastoma?
One of the most deadly forms of pediatric cancer is Neuroblastoma. It is a solid tumor cancer that strikes mainly infants and young toddlers. The incidence rate in infants is almost double that of leukemia. Diagnosis of neuroblastoma can be complicated. It has been called the "great masquerader" because its symptoms mimic so many other diseases. The 5-year survival rate for these high risk children is only about 30%. There is no known cure.
Only through research and education can we someday change that statistic to mirror the survival rate of other children’’ cancers. One form of leukemia now has a “cure” rate of about 85-90%. That has only come about because of heightened awareness in society and the millions of dollars raised for research. We can do the same for neuroblastoma, but we need your help! For more information on the organization please visit www.cncf-childcancer.org

Please join us in the fight against a disease that is taking the lives of young children each and every day.

Event is Sponsored by:
www.evansnyc.com
karina@evansnyc.com
Evans Real Estate is an international real estate and relocation company, which provides a full range of real estate services in New York City. Evans works in residential and commercial real estate, providing assistance with lease, purchase and sale.

Special Thanks:
For their participation and donation of their Artwork for this cause
Adi Lavy www.adilavy.com
Ignacio Ayestaran www.pbase.com/iayestaran
Jason Guerrero www.jasonguerrero.com
Luba Proger www.orangefog.com
Leonid Khanin
Maria Aiolova www.aiolova.com
Tina Roth Eisenberg www.projekt2.com

Evelina Ioselev
Event Planning, Consulting, Sponsorship Management
eioselev@hotmail.com

Luba Proger
Curating & Event Planning
proluba@gmail.com

Patricia Tallungan
Children’s Neuroblastoma Cancer Foundation
info@cncf-childcancer.org
www.cncf-childcancer.org

Heart Disease Linked to Colon Cancer

2007-10-03T19:43:00.000-04:00

I frickin' knew it! I was *just* mumbling about this to the gastroentinologist who did my colonoscopy, and she didn't disagree. Now I know why.

Tumor risk nearly double for patients with cardiac symptoms, study finds

Patients showing signs of heart disease are at nearly double the risk of also having colon cancer, perhaps because unhealthy habits and inflammation are at the root of both, researchers said on Tuesday.

The association between heart disease, the single leading cause of death in industrialized countries, and the second most common type of cancer was confirmed in a study of more than 600 patients evaluated at the University of Hong Kong.

Previous studies have noted the increased likelihood of heart disease and colon cancer in the same patients, the study said. The two illnesses share several risk factors: smoking, high-fat diet, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and sedentary lifestyle.

"Both colorectal (tumors) and (coronary artery disease) probably develop through the mechanism of chronic inflammation," study author Dr. Annie On On Chan of the University of Hong Kong wrote in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

In the study, of patients whose examinations showed at least a 50 percent narrowing of one of the coronary arteries feeding the heart, 34 percent also had cancerous colon tumors. That compared to some 20 percent of patients found to have tumors who were free of heart disease.

The family of cholesterol-lowering drugs called statins appear to have a deterrent effect on both illnesses, perhaps because the drugs reduce inflammation. Aspirin also seems to reduce the risk, the study said.

There were 1 million new colon cancer cases in 2002 globally, and 500,000 deaths that year from the disease, which is the most common type of malignancy after lung cancer.

Reuters.
URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20977384

La Rochefoucauld's Theories About Human Nature

2007-10-01T21:17:00.000-04:00

Love his work:

There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not.

Isn't that the truth?

So I ask myself, "why hide at all?" The answer is simplicity. There is something to be said about a simple, positive dynamic between two people and the happiness it creates when all seems right in their universe. Who in their right mind would ever want to complicate that? Ask me again in a few weeks. At this rate, I might be ready to explode with the L word by then. I can feel it coming on, dammit. But the good news is: I'm not broken. All my parts are working. I'm happy. And you know, occasionally (in the right company), honesty can be far more interesting than trying to act tough all the time.

Portuguese Police Suck

2007-10-01T15:59:00.001-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I was shopping at the Target store inside the Atlantic Terminal Mall when I realized that my shopping cart had been hijacked. Or so I thought at the time. I immediately ran to the security office to file a report and have the entrances & exits locked down. 15 minutes later, I was trying to explain what had happened to my 8th security person, and meanwhile the shopping cart, I figured, was long gone along with my purchases from other stores still nesting inside. The lack of professionalism was infuriating, and at some point I seriously considered smashing someone with my cell phone, but I knew that sort of behavior wouldn't have gone over too well. (Long story short, I ended up finding the cart on my own, with all of my purchases still intact. Some wiseass just decided to take it for a joyride and not actually steal anything for a change).

So how does the Target store in Brooklyn relate to the police in Portugal?

To be continued…

Do it Yourself Preschool

2007-09-30T17:57:00.000-04:00

Leslie's link is up and running. Actually, I had the wrong link entered in my "Morning Reading" column, but now that that's straightened out, any parent with a preschooler who keeps their kid at home should click away. Leslie is a fellow Brooklyn mom and I dig her style. I've been singing the same tune since I first became a mom(ster).

Relax: You don't need a curriculum. You don't need special training. And you certainly don't need flash cards, special software, or any of the dopey rote-learning toys that are passed off as "educational" these days. Welcome to DIY Preschool, the adventurous parent's alternative to structured schooling.

Cut & paste, if you will:

http://www.diypreschool.blogspot.com/

10 Little Indians

2007-09-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning to the double beep of a text message that I received. Good thing -- I had overslept by 45 minutes or so. As I tried to shake the sleep out of my eyes I heard Aniella's voice in the distance singing

One little, two little, three little Indians
Four little, five little, six little Indians
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians
Ten little Indian boys.

Ten little, nine little, eight little Indians
Seven little, six little, five little Indians
Four little, three little, two little Indians
One little Indian boy.

It's the first time she made it through the entire song without mangling the lyrics, and the first time I heard it sung at all since the day you died. You sang it for us only a few hours before we'd never see or hear you again, with 3 generations of girls hanging out together in your hospital room.

I felt your presence through your oldest granddaughter this morning. And I wasn't the only one. As I approached their bedroom door to open it, I heard your "baby Ina" say to her big sister "I miss nana."

Blonde Berbers

2007-09-27T22:15:00.001-04:00

I just have to shake my head when I think of the "Madeleine McCann sighting" in Northern Morocco. As soon as I saw the photo of the latest purported Maddie I knew that it wasn't her right away. I guess people don't realize that blondies are prevalent in that region. I wish that everyone, especially Americans, would be required to travel somehow. It would certainly cut down on a lot of international misunderstandings, no?

Keeping Up With the Kids

2007-09-27T21:48:00.000-04:00

Privyet!

I started on-line Russian classes a few nights ago, and have been dedicating at least 20 minutes a night to perusing the site. Honestly, it's a cheesey on-line class, but one that incorporates cyrilics and translit, which is difficult to find. With my children picking up the pace on their Russian language skills taught by a native speaker, I decided to join in so they can't talk about me behind my back one day soon. :0)

http://www.ilike2learn.com/ilike2learn/russian/vocab1.html

Oddly enough, I ran into my old friend Trey XXXXX at work today. He just started a job with my company! Now I have someone at work to speak Russian to. Very cool. I try not to hold the fact that he's a lawyer AND the nephew of XXXX XXXXX against him.

Unimaginable

2007-09-26T16:25:00.000-04:00

Things have taken a turn for the worse for Toby. Cancer at age 4 is simply unimaginable. I'm at a loss as to how to further help his family.

In many ways uncertainty has crowded out intimacy in our lives. We wake up each day, unsure of what will happen by evening. And this morning, for the first time in a long while, I can unequivocally say that Stephen and I feel hopeless.

Yesterday we met with Dr. Kushner, to discuss the much-anticipated next phase of treatment: 3f8 antibodies. After 6 cycles of high-dose, highly toxic chemotherapy and after 14 rounds of radiation to Toby’s shoulder, we are ready to move on. Toby still has refractory disease, but some children do go into antibody therapy without being completely “clean.”

Instead we heard more bad news. Although most of the scans came back stable, one of the bone marrow aspirates showed neuroblastoma cells. This is very, very unusual and Kushner is uncomfortable giving Toby antibodies at this stage. He would like to do a 7th cycle of chemotherapy, in a final, super-aggressive, off-the-charts attempt to kill the cells in the marrow. He admitted that MSK doesn’t do this often. He admitted that Toby is highly unusual. And he admitted that he doesn’t have much data to show whether this will be an effective course of treatment.

We still have a lot of unanswered questions and are unsure what our next steps will be. My brother will most likely post some of the medical details over the next few days.

Intimacy is what makes me feel human, but it is uncertainty that sits on all our shoulders. Yoni worries, asks a million questions, demands the whole truth with no sugar coating. Stephen and I open a bottle of wine at 5 pm, walk to the corner together and stand in the middle of the sidewalk as the tears fall. Toby senses the vibrations of uncertainty and cannot sleep. Last night I lay in bed with him after he told me that he was nervous and scared. I reminded him to think of good things: Randy and the whoopee cushion, the mango smoothies at Lonelyville, harvesting a potato in Prospect Park. But he cried and said, “the bad things are too big, Mommy.” Over and over I tell him that everything will be alright, We curl up together and see the moon through the blinds. It’s a full moon, full with experience and life and quiet. Toby eventually fell asleep.

And today we blink into the wide gaping hole of a new day, heavy in our hearts, craving intimacy for our family.

We ask again for your support, presence and love. You have done so much for us already that I hesitate to ask again. I will never be able to write all the thank-yous for the beautiful, thoughtful gifts, the delicious meals, the blood, the money, the letters and visits. Please forgive me. And know that through you, we can experience life as it should be.

Change in Game Plan

2007-09-23T10:28:00.000-04:00

I just can't bring myself to take the Lipitor just yet. I've been sitting on the prescription for a few weeks now just thinking about it more and more and doing a little reasearch here and there. I want to take a full-body treatment approach, versus bandaiding one thing while waiting for something else to crop up.

Niacin. I think that may be where I'm headed. But how much? I'm going to call Aniella's former cardiologist (for her ex-vascular septal defect)who recently had a heart attack himself and ask. I bet he'd be willing to consult.

Kepe in mind, my relatives lived into their 80s without medication and cholesterol levels into up to the 500 range. I'm sure even if I can bring it down to 250 or so sans meds that I'll be OK.

Biking

2007-09-20T16:16:00.001-04:00

My new manner of commuting from Brooklyn to midtown has quickly become somewhat of a spiritual experience. Biking is something I've always enjoyed since I was a small child, but now the pleasure I derive from it is multiplied by a billion! I feel like someone (thanks, N!) has finally unlocked the garage door and handed me the keys to my first car. And wow, above-ground New York City is phenomenal at 9am, especially from the top of the Brooklyn Bridge. What a rush. Tomorrow marks my 4th day of commuting in this fashion.

Lauren Emeline We've Been Waiting on You!

2007-09-12T16:09:00.000-04:00

I poached this post from my friend's blog just because it's such incredible news. I met Melissa....oh gosh....6 years ago (?) on-line after we suffered through our first miscarriage together.

Time marched on and I had 2 babies. Most everyone on that forum went on to have babies. But not Melissa. That is, not until September 7th. It's amazing how much joy you can feel for people you've never met. Actually, I did meet her. In a virtual waiting room. :0)

Poached material:

What sucks:

1. Endometriosis.
2. Having one miscarriage after another for years.
3. Crying in your closet because your body is a useless failure.
4. Crying in your office when another coworker announces they are expecting.
5. Spending your afternoons curled up in fetal position on the couch, moaning incoherently because you are passing a razor-laden endometriosis clot the size of a baseball.
6. Being told to "relax," 10,000 times for every miscarriage.
7. Being told "Maybe it's God's will," 10,000 times for every miscarriage.
8. Having your IVF cycle canceled at the last minute due to a mistaken notion that you are a poor responder, only to waste 15 egg follicles.
9. Having to deal with the pain and mild OHSS that accompanies 15 unaspirated egg follicles and the subsequent dropping of your ovary behind your uterus from the sheer weight.
10. Having to have a d&c when your 9-weeks pregnancy fails.
11. Watching your husband go through hell as you are being wheeled off to the OR for d&c.
12. Being told you require laparoscopic surgery to alleviate endometriosis.
13. Still having pain after laparoscopy.
14. Developing e-coli bladder infection from laparoscopy.
15. Require a 2nd laparoscopy to fix what first doctor failed at accomplishing.
16. Developing another bladder infection from 2nd laparoscopy.
17. Enduring waiting room after waiting room full of pregnant women, regardless of what doctor's office it is.
18. Enduring years of assvice from uberfertiles.
19. Getting samples of baby products for years after d&c.
20. Fielding the question, "So when are you having kids?" or "Do you have kids?" from everyone in the freaking world.
21. Finally having a pregnancy only to be riddled with 1st trimester vomitous amundus.
22. 1st trimester round ligament pain that cripples you.
23. Pelvis disorder that further cripples you.
24. Having no a/c during 2nd and 3rd trimester, which coincides with hottest summer on record.
25. Excruciating gallstones that crop up during your late 2nd trimester.
26. Seeing your daughter's ailing kidney repeatedly pop up on the ultrasound screen.
27. Being told your daughter may require surgery in her first year for the kidney problem.
28. 2 months of closely-timed contractions that mean nothing.

What doesn't suck:

Lauren Emeline
20.5" long, 7lbs 9 oz, 9.9 APGAR.
...and she's perfect.

Read more from Melissa here:

http://oliviadrab.typepad.com/

6 Years

2007-09-11T10:28:00.000-04:00

"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the peacemakers for a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."

--nazi henchman Herman Goering

Yes, it's controversial, but also startlingly applicable, no?

I'll be marking this day the same way I always do. I'll give blood.

It hardly feels like 6 years have gone by. I remember the details like it was yesterday, at least the details of my personal version of 9/11.

I'm Just Saying...

2007-09-10T15:14:00.000-04:00

The clinical presentation of a pulmonary embolism was all there -- the shortness of breath, the rapid breathing, the rising heart rate, the chest pain that was pleuritic in nature. I saw it. I heard it. I knew it wasn't right. I begged the nurse to call her surgeon, to call her gp. This particular nurse's name was Aaron. And this Aaron repeatedly talked about the neb treatment being just moments away. He continually tried to calm me down by saying that her doctor was in the process of making his rounds and would be there shortly, and he kept saying that her lungs sounded clear. "I don't think she has pneumonia if that's what you're suggesting," I said. "I don't think that's it at all."

I think I saw a bit of blue discoloration of her lips, but I couldn't swear to it. There is a fine line between what is real and the paranoia that overcomes you when you're caring for someone you love deeply. All I know is that something wasn't right, and I panicked and I begged multiple times and then I just stopped. I gave up. I left with the girls like she asked me to so she could get some rest.

Why, I ask, was that the ONE TIME in my life when I didn't keep fighting? Why, after 10 days of co-managing her care did I just agree to back off? Why? WHY !?! Everyone who knows me knows that I never back down and that I'm a huge pain in the ass, generally speaking, but especially when I'm advocating for someone who means something to me.

Without her I feel like I've been drained of my blood. I miss her. All that's left of the physical is in a vase. MY MOTHER IS IN A VASE. I think I have to go back there and have a chat with that nurse, and the vase is coming with me. You can be sure this won't happen to someone else in his care ever again, for whatever that's worth. I just have to calmly tell this guy to go fuck himself. Yeah, I'm sure he didn't set out to kill my mother. I'm sure the guy is just jaded from seeing so much sickness and meeting far too many high-maintenance relatives. It doesn't mean he shouldn't have to hear about this though, and if it makes me feel better than so be it.

Aaron, you better brace yourself.

NILE BARLOW weighing in at 8 pounds, 6 ounces

2007-09-07T10:58:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the world, sweet thing. I've known your mom & your auntie & your uncle & your grandma for about 18 years now. I think I love you more. :0)

First Day of School

2007-09-04T16:13:00.000-04:00

The first day of school was only 1 hour long for incoming pre-k students, and the parents were asked to participate, so there I was.

The New Student was excited and fearless (especially for someone who had never been to school before), but her little sister was hysterical when we bid her farewell. After prepping her as well as we could, she still behaved as if she'd never see her older sibling again.

I can tell it's going to be interesting. The teacher's assistant asked Aniella 4 times what her name was, and Aniella (Miss Shy-at-First) mumbled it all 4 times before yelling "A-N-I-E-L-L-A. Should I write it down for you?"

It's going to be a long year.

Got Meds?

2007-08-31T15:43:00.000-04:00

I did it. I finally swung to the other side of the pendulum and I agreed today to go on Lipitor. I have the prescription in my back pocket, and I'm going to have it filled after work. There are certain things one can control, and then there are genetics.

As smug as I was months ago when I first found out about my cholesterol, I am no longer in denial. I think it was the calcium deposit finding that finally did it for me. I went in this morning with an idea, and I shared it with the cardiologist. I told her right when I walked through the door that if the calcification was on the aorta, I'd take the drugs, and if it was elsewhere I'd wait it out another 6 months while I dieted and exercised. She pulled up my computerized file and shared the scans with me. Sure enough, that bitch is located on one of my aortic cusps.

Beginning tomorrow, I will be on daily medication, something I've ever been on with the exception of recreational meds (bc pills with long-term boyfriends) of days gone by.

At the age of 39, I have joined Lipitor Nation, but let it be known that it was not without a fight. I no longer had a choice.

Reminder: must discuss Coenzyme Q10 & magnesium intake, something not mentioned at today's appointment.

The Floating Pool

2007-08-30T21:14:00.000-04:00

The girls finally made it to The Floating Pool at Brooklyn Bridge Park Beach today. Even though there isn't a shallow wading pool both kids gave it a big thumbs up, as did Lyuda, Kristen & Henry. They not only went swimming, but hit the sprinklers as well.

Goodbye summer! And on that note, I better get back to my summer reading. It's time for an introduction to Fyodorovitch's third son, Alyosha (Alexei). I know I haven't gotten very far into the book, but I will if it kills me.

Ways of Coping

2007-08-30T19:44:00.000-04:00

Last night I found myself in a semi-large argument with my brother. It was a pretty big deal for us because we rarely fight. There's never any reason to, really.

I was bent out of shape because he suddenly arranged to have my mom's ashes buried in a cemetary in November. I want to keep her home with me because I don't want to commit to any one location. I also feel like we've embarked on a never-ending parade of memorial services and funerals and such and I need closure. He apparently isn't remotely ready to let go.

So what did I do? I hung up, only to call my MOTHER to bitch to her about how my brother wants to bury her ashes.

Needless to say, I reached her answering machine. Then I called Laura and wailed.

View from a High Horse

2007-08-29T22:39:00.000-04:00

The local parenting board is hopping again after someone posted an article by some "expert" who feels that sleep training is traumatic for small children.

What I learned long ago with these broad, sweeping statements
like "sleep training is bad," besides the fact that
many "specialists" would disagree with the posted article written by
other "specialists," is that it's not only the experts and the parents who vary in their opinion about works for them, but the children as well.

I'll explain:

While my youngest child was AP'ed (attachment parented for those who don't know the lingo) like mad (ie. breastfed, co-slept, worn in a sling/bjorn for hours at a clip) and wouldn't have it any other way, my oldest wanted no part of that nonsense as an infant.

Had she been able to talk when she was several days old, she would have very
clearly told me to keep that hippy dippy shit to myself. My 1st born was
at her happiest when she was left alone in a motionless crib with
the lights dimmed as low as possible. She considered swaddling to
be the devil. The colder the room temp the better for her, too.
She loathed the sling and she hated co-sleeping. In short, she
wanted minimal stimulation until about 4 months of age, and that was
that. Broke my heart, but hey -- what can you do?

This parenting gig often requires a very open mind and the
ability to switch gears quickly, much to my shock and disappointment
when I've had to re-work my game plans due to unforeseen
circumstances. What works for one kid may not work for another.
What works for 3 kids may not work for a forth...

I think I'm trying to suggest that some kids may NEED sleep training. And some parents need to untrain. Themselves.

Aniella's version of the devil swallowing a small child:

A Bear/Bare Sort of Day

2007-08-28T17:17:00.000-04:00

We love these books to pieces. In preparation for the school year, I stocked up on a bunch in various sizes. My oldest uses one as a "diary" and my youngest as a doodle sketch book. And you can't beat the price!

http://www.barebooks.com/chunky.htm

and...

Today Lyuda accompanied the girls to the world's largest Build-a-Bear factory so they could finally spend their Christmas gift certificates. They had a wonderful time! Henry and his mother Kristen also went along.

I'd post some pictures for you, but my card reader still isn't working. Boo, hiss!

Ultra Cool Moon Watching

2007-08-27T21:55:00.000-04:00

New Yorkers: 5:52 am is the time. See you outside.

One of My Heroes

2007-08-27T20:07:00.000-04:00

http://www.tobypannone.blogspot.com

Mom's Memorial Service Info Trickling in....

2007-08-27T14:40:00.001-04:00

Saturday, September 15th

11:30 am
Memorial service
at St. Thomas Aquinas Church
249 9th Street at 4th Avenue

Oktoberfest-themed lunch buffet immediately following
201 8th Street between 3rd & 4th Avenue

Menu:

Brooklyn Brewery beer (in kegs)
Wurst
Choucroute Alsacienne
Zwiebelkuchen
Field salad
German potato salad
Deli tray with pickles
Apple cake
Plum cake

...and quite possibly mom's last sauerbraten (with red cabbage) which she was marinading when she went into the hospital. We'll see if it survives the thaw after being frozen since mid-June!

Der Saemann saet den Samen
Die Erd empfangt ihn,
Und uber ein kleines
Keimet die Blume herauf

Du Liebtest sie was auch
dies Lieben
Sunst fur Gewinn hat
war Klein Dir geachtet
Und sie entschlummerte Dir!

Was weinest Duneben dem Grabe
Und hebst die Handse
zur wolke des todes
und der verwesung empor?

Wie Gras auf dem Felde
sind Menschen
Dahin, wie blatter! Nur wenige
Tage
Gehn wir verkleidet einher!

Der Adler besuchet
die Erde,
Doch saumtnicht,
schuttelt vom Flugel
den staub und
kehret zur Sonne zuruch!

Bauernmalerei

2007-08-26T21:27:00.000-04:00

The German word "Bauernmalerei," pronounced Bow-(as in cow)-urn-mall-er-eye, translates to "peasant painting" (literally "farmer painting"). This folk art evolved in Germany, Austria and Switzerland throughout three centuries and included many different regional styles. In the United States we often call it "Bavarian Folk Art" because Bavaria is the largest area in Germany where this art can be found.

A sample of "Bauernmalerei:

The little ladies and I decided that we want to paint out dining room chairs in this style, so here are a few snaps of today's work, which really only amounted to applying the base coat of paint (we chose a spicy mustard color):

***Check back soon. For some reason, my card reader is unable to retrieve the photos from my digital camera***

Scared Sh*%less For a Bit (no pun intended)

2007-08-21T22:03:00.000-04:00

I had a colonoscopy today. The prep was awful, but the actual procedure wasn't too, too bad courtesy of my friends Versed and Propofol. Those are the drugs you'll want (administered by a board certified anesthesiologist) if you're going to have the procedure, and you should definitely have the procedure. EVERYONE should have routine colonoscopies beginning at age 50. If colorectal cancer runs in your family you should start having them......as soon as you find out that colorectal cancer runs in your family.

Summer Reading

2007-08-19T19:10:00.000-04:00

I have not read a single book this summer. Nada! I glanced at "Letters to Milena" (an old favorite) a few times, packed "The Idiot" with me when I went to Florida & in between kept thinking "I'll find the perfect book and a block of time" (I prefer to read during long stretches rather than ingesting a few pages at a time). Nope. So while yard saling today I picked up "The Brothers Karamazov" and decided that *it* would be the ultimate punishment. Well, maybe not the ultimate punishment. That would be "Ulysses." Anyway, "The Brothers Karamazov" it is.

Handwritten notes on chapter 5.

I also scored 4 FREE Calphalon pans that someone had left outside under a sign that said "we're moving -- they're yours." Indeed.

Words to Document

2007-08-18T22:50:00.000-04:00

A conversation with my daughter, age 4 1/2:

"Good morning Mama! How was your late meeting last night?"

"Meeting? Uh yeah....good. Very good, in fact."

"What did you talk about there?"

"Um....at the meeting?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, um, just ways to improve the company overall, you know..."

"Did you raise your hand and tell your boss that people should be able to take their children to work?"

A Change in Attitude

2007-08-18T14:29:00.000-04:00

Sitting on my couch
in the middle of the night
I...
think of the past
and what could have been
but never was
and how in retrospect that's
probably a very good thing.

Sitting on my couch
in the middle of the night
I...
shift my thoughts to the present
and think of what is not
that could be
and how happy I am
to be thinking this way
again!

What Took Them So Long?

2007-08-16T22:13:00.000-04:00

FDA to Review Safety of Cold Remedies for Kids

THURSDAY, Aug. 16 (HealthDay News) -- Responding to growing concerns about the safety and effectiveness of cough and cold drug products used by young children, U.S. health officials said Wednesday that they will meet in October to reassess the medications.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration said "questions have been raised about the safety of these products" and whether the risks outweigh the benefits, particularly for children younger than 2 years old.

Federal officials said use of over-the-counter medicines have been blamed for "adverse events" that led to more than 1,500 children under 2 years of age to be treated in hospital emergency rooms since 2004. And the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says it knows of at least three deaths tied to use of the medications in children younger than 2.

To prepare for the Oct. 18 meeting, the FDA said its Nonprescription Drugs Advisory Committee will review safety data on the ingredients and dosing levels for the products.

In a prepared statement released Wednesday, the FDA said reports of serious adverse events appeared to be the result of giving too much of these medicines to children. Over-the-counter cough and cold medicines can be harmful if more than the recommended amount is used, if they are given too often, or if more than one cough and cold medicine containing the same active ingredient is used, the statement said.

Baltimore health officials have been in the forefront of the push to get the FDA to reevaluate the safety of the drugs, and to require warning labels that state the products "have not been found to be safe or effective" for children under 6, the Baltimore Sun reported Thursday.

Dr. Joshua M. Sharfstein, the city's health commissioner, said the drugs have been linked to the deaths of four Baltimore children under 4 years of age in the last six years, the newspaper said.

Dr. Robert Ancona, chief of pediatrics at St. Joseph Medical Center in Towson, Md., said the deaths may be due to be a cough suppressant, dextromethorphan, which is used in many of the over-the-counter remedies. The parents apparently overdosed their children when the youngsters didn't respond to a more appropriate dose, he told the Sun.

To avoid giving a child too much medicine, the FDA recommends that parents carefully follow the directions for use of the product in the "Drug Facts" box on the product label.

The FDA also offered several other suggestions, including:

Do not use cough and cold products in children under 2 years of age unless given specific directions to do so by a health-care provider.
Do not give children medicine that is packaged and made for adults. Use only products marked for use in babies, infants or children -- sometimes called "pediatric" use.
Cough and cold medicines come in many different strengths. If you are unsure about the right product for your child, ask a health-care provider.
If other medicines -- over-the-counter or prescription -- are being given to a child, the child's health-care provider should review and approve their combined use.
In March, the FDA said it was reviewing the safety of children's over-the-counter cold and cough remedies.

Dr. Charles Ganley, the FDA's director of the Office of Nonprescription Products, said at the time that the agency has been "looking into the issue of safety of children's cough medicine since the middle of last year." He noted that when these medicines were originally approved, in some cases several decades ago, there was no mandate that the effectiveness, safety or dose be determined for children; rather, the guidelines were extrapolated from studies done with adults.

"We have not established a dose that is safe for children 2 and under," Ganley said during a teleconference. "We hope to have our review done in several months and then make recommendations."

When these drugs are taken in higher-than-normal doses, they can affect the heart's electrical system, leading to arrhythmias, which are irregular heartbeats. Some medicines affect the blood vessels and, in high doses, have been associated with high blood pressure and stroke. In rare cases, children have been injured even when given recommended doses, The New York Times reported.

A group of prominent pediatricians and public health officials petitioned the FDA in March to stop drug makers from marketing cold and cough medicines for children under 6. The petition said the medicines do not work and, in rare cases, can cause serious injury.

When the FDA initially approved the drugs for pediatric use, it had determined they were safe and effective for children aged 6 to 12, Ganley said. The agency is looking at data from newer studies to see if the drugs are effective, he said.

In the Jan. 12 issue of the CDC's Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, researchers noted that cough and cold medicines can be harmful and should be used with caution in children under 2 years of age.

The CDC had identified three infants who died from the toxic effects of cough and cold medicines in 2005. In addition, in 2004 and 2005, more than 1,500 children younger than 2 years old were treated in emergency rooms for adverse events from cough and cold medicines, the report said.

The report also noted that although these drugs are effective in older children and adults, there's little evidence the medications help in children under 2 years old. "Parents should always consult a health-care provider before giving cough or cold medicine to kids under 2 years old. Health-care providers should use caution when giving cough and cold medicines to children under 2 years old," the report concluded.

The Consumer Healthcare Products Association, which represents the over-the-counter drug industry, believes these medicines are safe and effective.

"These medicines have been found safe and effective by the FDA and are the same medicines that families have safely relied upon for decades to help relieve cough and cold symptoms and make their children feel better," Linda A. Suydam, president of the Consumer Healthcare Products Association, said in a prepared statement released in March.

More information

For more about colds and cold medications for young children, visit the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Kino's Birthday

2007-08-15T11:00:00.000-04:00

“Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.”

What is "Children's Music?"

2007-08-14T11:44:00.000-04:00

The garden apartment is currently hooked on “Hey There Delilah,” one of the catchiest, snappiest tunes to hit the airwaves in years. This sweet and fragile love song smartly appeals to the teeny bopper set (& my sippy cup duo) as well as the "pushing 40" types who grew up listening to Nirvana and such. To the Pale White T’s I wish good luck; I'm betting (sadly) that “Delilah” will be their one and only.

Plain White T's

In the meantime, as my 2 and 4 year olds run around singing "Delilah" I am reminded that “children’s music” is probably the biggest marketing ploy ever (and yes, I do remember almost jumping on the bandwagon myself by cutting a children's rap demo not all that long ago before coming to my senses). While overall music sales have been steadily declining "children's music" is gaining popularity among kids and parents alike.

What exactly is "children's music?" I'm not talking about nursery rhymes. I'm taking about the whole folk/rock children's music genre that has exploded over the past several years.

Yes it is true that I'm bitter that there will never be another Dan Zanes “adult” solo release (wah!), but there's more to my rant than that. All music is children's music, no?.

Compulsively Checking

2007-08-07T12:54:00.000-04:00

Log on, no new news.
Hit refresh.
Refresh again.

Log off.
Log on, no new news.
And so it goes, on and on…

I’m on pins and needles wondering how little Lucas is doing today. In the meantime, I'm thinking (obviously) of Stephanie and Phil and their family and sending my best wishes over and over and over again.

Stephanie Klein

Congrats ???

2007-08-06T17:18:00.000-04:00

I have a 38 year old girlfriend with a 4 year old child. OK, she’s less than a full-on friend but definitely more than an acquaintance. I’m sure you all have one or more of those floating around.

Anyway, my friend has been wracking her brain lately trying to figure out if she should stick with an “only” (that’s the official term of endearment for an only child) or go for the sibling.

Well, turns out that she got knocked up while debating the finer details of life with or without this second child. And that’s not all. She’s knocked up with twins!

It just goes to show that what I’ve been saying lately is true. It doesn’t pay to over-think. It really doesn’t.

Transfixed

2007-08-05T07:28:00.000-04:00

Yes, he has a name, but I'm not sharing. He also has an occupation (gasp!). He has the most beautiful skin I've ever seen on any human being, and his sable eyes are a definite departure for me. Gone are the days when I considered a man's blue eyes to be a sign of trustworthiness. *cough*

He's smart
He's responsible
He seems to have common sense
AND a sense of humor. Oh wait:

"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” -- William James